How do I know if my child is telling the truth about the abuse?

Children tend to have active imaginations about certain areas of their lives, but not about sexual situations unless they have been exposed to this information directly. Children rarely lie about being sexually abused. Children tell about the abuse (“disclose”) because they want the abuse to stop. If a child tells about the abuse, and is not believed, the child may interpret this as not being worthy of protection and the child’s self esteem will be damaged. This disbelief also decreases a child’s ability to tell someone else.

How do we respond to people's questions about the abuse?

Both you and your child need to make decisions about whom you will tell about the abuse. It may be important to tell responsible adults, such as teachers or a regular sitter, if your child is experiencing fears or behaviors that need special attention. You also have a right to get and receive support from people you trust. At the same time, you need to guard your child from feelings of exposure and embarrassment. You and your child have a right to privacy. Part of the healing process is having control over one’s own life, and this includes choosing whom to tell.

Is it my fault that this abuse happened?

The fact that someone else sexually abused your child is not your fault. No matter what you did or did not do, only the person who actually did the molesting can accept the blame for the abuse. You may look back and see things now that were clues that your child was being molested and you may be able to apply these clues to provide for a safer environment for your child

Is the public going to learn about my child's abuse?

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What costs are associated with Shining Star's services?

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What is a Children's Advocacy Center?

Children's Advocacy Centers (CACs) were established to coordinate the individuals and agencies involved in the investigation, prosecution and treatment of child sexual abuse cases and provide support for the child victim and their non-offending family member(s). The development of CACs in Illinois began in 1987 with the establishment of the DuPage County Children's Center and the Lake County Child Advocacy Center.

Why did my child go along with the abuse?

Children do not agree to being abused. They feel as if they have no real choice. They are sometimes convinced by offenders or other adults that they “went along”, but in reality, they were forced, tricked, confused and/or manipulated into complying.

Why didn't my child tell me about the abuse sooner?

Some children do tell their parents about an abuse experience right after it happens. However, many children never tell an adult or wait for months or even years to disclose that they have been sexually molested. Often parents feel angry and even disappointed in the children for not telling sooner. They wonder why their children did not feel comfortable reporting to them.

There are many reasons children do not tell their parents, or they delay their disclosure out of fear, confusion and embarrassment, as well as the protection of the adults they love and are dependent upon. This may be a time you want to closely examine your relationship with your child — especially if your child was abused by your spouse. Perhaps you have grown more distant from your child than you realized. Your child may have felt you would be unsupportive to his/her disclosure, or maybe they wanted to protect you from feeling bad.

Some reasons we hear from children about why they didn’t tell parents sooner include:
• “He told me I would get in trouble.”
• “She was my mother. Who could I tell?”
• “It’s really embarrassing to talk about it.”
• “ I did not want to get him in trouble. He said he’d would go to jail.”
• “He told me Mom already knew.”
• “He said he would kill himself if I told.”
• “I was afraid no one would believe me.”
• “I was scared he would hurt me if I told.”

Will my child need counseling?

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